It’s never good to make assumptions about people. For example, everyone assumes that real estate agents and people trying to sell their homes will approach the selling point with some substance and class. In fact, you expect ads that won’t keep their family up at night, contemplating the stupidity of their bloodline.
But alas, there are some agents and sellers out there who either can’t help it, or who simply try too hard. The following ads should put this into perspective, because they balance the scales of brilliance and stupidity.
1. The Playboy Realtor
If you think this is bad, it could have been worse. Just imagine if Wanket added step by step visuals of how realtors aren’t doing their jobs properly, because he clearly knows what it looks like.
2. Alpha Male Property
This ad is clearly exploiting the frustration of women who have been single for too long. Newbie agents pay attention, because this woman is a genius, and maybe a little frustrated herself.
3. Leave the Past where it Belongs
Isn’t it time that we forget about the creatures that once owned the houses we live in now? Even if they never existed, they have feelings to you know.
4. Tip No. 22 from the Idiot Real Estate Handbook
If there is nothing great about the property you are trying to sell, talk about the neighbors. Or at least give potential buyers a reason to stop buy and take pictures.
5. Hype the View
Yep, it’s every person’s dream to have a view of Wal-Mart. Who cares if you live on a beautiful hill somewhere when you can spot the specials before the doors open.
6. Honesty is the Best Policy
Some real estate agents have a problem thinking outside the box. How do you handle this problem of creativity? You simply make the box bigger.
7. Feline Empowerment
Pat the Cat can provide you with the perfect property, but her blonde assistant is still learning the trade. So if you don’t hear a purring sound on the other end of the line you’ve got the wrong one.
8. The Creepy Agent
If this guy sells you a home it’s probably rigged with hidden cameras. He’s obviously dealing with abandonment issues, because his cat doesn’t know what it feels like to walk. Or maybe he’s trying to hide a “smaller” issue?
9. Poetic Property
It took some time to find the right words which would express the beauty of this house. However, the only people who can understand it are wearing white jackets while bouncing around in padded cells. By the time they can buy the house they will have lost the ability to read the ad.
10. Marriage Counseling Meets Real Estate
Mr. Clarke is clearly skilled in the art of confusion. In other words – he looks like a lawyer, talks like a therapist and provides solutions only a politician would come up with. Did you get a bigger house yet?
11. Target Market
Yet another example of the perfect way to zone in on a target market. In a world where zombies are running loose and sucking out brains, this agent is a millionaire. That world is very far away, but still…
Maybe it’s time to look for another profession Jake, because if ghosts is the reason you’re not making a sale, the added information isn’t helping your state of denial.
13. Effective Marketing
Via Dump a Day
The bathroom is in the backyard, half the roof is missing and the paint has been peeling for the last decade, what do you do? Make people think it’s their last chance for striking a real bargain.
14. The Subtle Approach
This is probably the closest anybody will get when it comes to truth in advertising. It also shows you why truth in advertising never leads to sales.
15. All-in-One Purchase
Here is a listing that truly defines an all-in-one deal. If you wanted to buy a house, but you still don’t have the family to move in with you, this is the deal you’ve been looking for.
16. Over-Priced Mice
Via REI Tips
Don’t fall for this old trick. They tell you the mice are included, but they’ve already added their value to the price. They just want you to think they are free.
This is the type of agent who always starts those weird conversations at Christmas parties with things like, “I’m not sure if I’m indecisive.” It can also be one of those agents who only work to get through the day.
18. Can it be?
Is this really possible? Are these people actually renting out flats with two bedrooms? I was expecting the poultry and single bathroom, but definitely not the bedrooms.
19. Stating the Obvious
Via Call Chris Today
You have to wonder how many times Bill has been called a desperate idiot. Or maybe he’s just been married for too long.
20. The Easy Choice
You know exactly which way you should probably turn. But thanks to the human condition you are still going to follow the sign that tells you, you can’t afford it.
21. Key Selling Points
Being a professional real estate agent means leaving no stone un-turned and working with all your selling points. In this case you’ll work stoned and leave all the selling points un-turned.
22. A Waste of Time
Via House Crazy
If the house you’re trying to sell doesn’t get an offer even after dropping to the price of a bus ticket, it’s a sign that you shouldn’t be living there yourself. Some truths are harder to face than others, but this is one truth you want to face sooner rather than later. Bus tickets aren’t getting cheaper.
23. A Mother’s Love
If this isn’t proof that a mother will love her son unconditionally, nothing will. In fact, if she loved him a little bit less he would be living in a home of his own.
24. Between the Quotes
Via REI Tips
You might be thinking that the owner of these furnished rooms didn’t pay attention in school, but you would be wrong. The only people who are “smart” enough to call will most probably ask if furniture is part of the deal, at which point they get charged extra. Sheer brilliance.